I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
