And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
