dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
