I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dick very happy bro
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
