Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
