There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
