Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize