Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im holly from the hills drunk
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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