How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
