I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
