I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
