Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
