i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
