hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
