I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
