Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
