I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize