Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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