whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
