Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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