Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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