We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
