Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
