I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize