Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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