And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
