this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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