that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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