The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
