Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
