I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
