At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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