you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you never un-have a 4some
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
