Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
