Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
