On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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