I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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