...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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