im holly from the hills drunk
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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