i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
