I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
