smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
