Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
