Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
