I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
