So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize