hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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