boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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