my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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