do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
