I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
