Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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