New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Come on in and take your pants off
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