I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
