Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
