You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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