Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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