good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
