Umm I'm too high to move.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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