It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
