It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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