I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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