Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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