I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize