Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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