Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
