Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

mmm whisky

(402): View more from Nebraska

reminds me of losing my job

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(256): View more from Alabama

As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.

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(347): View more from New York

He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.

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(513): View more from Ohio

You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"

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(907): View more from Alaska

You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.

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(815): View more from Illinois

"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss

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