Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
