I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
