I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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